Grave Understandings
by Adobo-chan
Summary: ONE-SHOT. Rukia learns that realizing you're in love is a lot like grieving, but maybe that's just because she's dead. IchiRuki.


**AN**: I have a few IchiRuki that are in my brain but are not panning out at all. So, this is just to bust me out of my writer's block because I'm having quite a bit of it. My shortest piece in a long while! Very exciting for me. Haha. Enjoy~

_Summary_: [ONE-SHOT] Rukia learns that realizing you're in love is a lot like grieving, but maybe that's just because she's dead. IchiRuki.

_Warnings_: Set at the very beginning of the series, just because that's where it makes the most sense.

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><p>Nodding in satisfaction, Rukia watched as Ichigo wiped a bit of sweat from his brow, a light smile dancing across his usually stoic features. With the last of the Hollows taken care of by the boy-turned-shinigami, it seemed their work for the night was over. Granted, it was nearing early morning and they'd been cutting down monsters for nearly two hours so they should've been off-the-clock a while ago, but the wicked never did sleep.<p>

"Good job, Ichigo," she said, as he jumped down from where he was hovering, stretching out the back of his neck. He grinned at her, brown eyes soft and full of the accomplishment that protecting others so often gave him. Not that he ever needed to protect her, but he seemed to think it was his duty and try as she might she'd never been able to get him to change that mindset.

"Yeah, you too, Rukia," he replied, the huskiness of his voice appealing even in the dead of night. He was tired, and yet somehow he'd never looked more handsome, as he always seemed to after a good brawl. With his features infinitely more relaxed and looking at her with that undying camaraderie, Ichigo was nothing if not beautiful, though she doubted he knew it.

**Denial**

_Stupid! What're you thinking?_ she patronized herself silently, fighting off the pink from her cheeks. Ichigo wasn't anything but himself, loud and irrationally loyal with a mouth that had gotten him into more trouble than not. There was no way he could be anything other than that, and most certainly not handsome or heroic. Those were words reserved for someone like 'Nii-sama, not the largely yawning carrot top who had tired tears peeking at the corners of his eyes.

_No, definitely not cool at all._

**Anger**

"Oi, Ichigo, you can't be that tired already!" Rukia proclaimed, frowning at his very human-like sleepiness. With her heart beating wildly against the inside of her chest, she deemed that the slight blush on her face had more to do with the cool autumn night than whatever the moron in front of her was doing. With his eyes at half-mast and the obvious fatigue on his features, he looked nothing like the strong and capable young man he was when he was fighting, a turnaround from his image only seconds before.

"I hear ya, Rukia, but it's late. I actually wanna wake up for school tomorrow." He yawned again before turning around, scratching at the back of his head before placing his zanpakuto where it was always holstered. The vein in her forehead started to pulse, annoyed that he'd turned away from her when she had been talking to him. So Rukia did what she always did in these kinds of situations, and thus kicked him squarely in the head.

"What the hell, Rukia! Have you lost your freakin' mind!" he yelled, stumbling a few feet before catching himself and glowering at his comrade. The fact that her face mirrored his didn't escape him at all, though he was sure that he was the one who deserved to be indignant, not her.

"When I'm speaking to you, you will face me and speak to me properly," she said in that all-mighty tone she so enjoyed using, stirring up more anger on his end, as he glared darkly at his partner.

"Are you crazy, midget?" he yelled in retaliation, shoulders straightened as he looked down at the older girl. "We just took on a small army of hollows on our own, and I have—" he looked up at the sky for reference to the time, "—maybe three hours before I have to go to school. Unlike you, it actually matters if I pass or not!"

Before she could spit something back at him, a retort that was mildly scathing but all parts sarcastic, he turned on his heel and jumped into the midnight sky. As she watched him, the slightest bit of guilt ate at Rukia, disappointment flooding her at the uncharacteristic bout of anger. While prone to outbursts, she wasn't quite sure what had caused this one, especially since he'd looked at her so kindly just moments ago with a small smile that no one else was allowed to see. Maybe if she paid a little more attention to her hummingbird heart, she'd figure out it was Ichigo's grin that had her out of sorts in the first place.

**Bargaining**

_Kami, I'm so sorry…_ she thought to herself, taking one step after the other as she made her way back to the house, alone and feeling totally out of her comfort zone. Because she didn't mean to make him mad, not really. She only did so to lighten the mood or bother him into submission, her characteristic way of keeping Ichigo in line. But that last bit of anger, that random need to prove herself to him, was nothing at all like her usual teasing. It was justification for something, but she couldn't even begin to comprehend what, as she pondered the reason even as the Kurosaki Clinic came into clear view.

_What was I thinking? This isn't like me at all._

The uncertainty was bubbling in her throat, and she wasn't sure if she could take the breath she so desperately needed. Without her consent, something inside her had changed tonight, and it had everything to do with that orange-haired boy who turned her world upside-down a mere few weeks ago. Or, maybe what was between them had been changing for a while and she was only beginning to see it, accepting it slowly because she'd been too blind to do so before.

**Depression**

Landing on the windowsill of Ichigo's bedroom, Rukia stopped for a minute to compose herself before opening the glass panel. Her fingers were shaking imperceptibly and her face was showing the full effect of her realization, as she sat there for a second and the strength she was usually known for was zapped from her body. In the still of the darkness, Rukia came to terms with her tumultuous emotions without the fireworks or lightning strikes that so many other people claimed to feel. For her, the comprehension was only accompanied by a tight wariness slowly filtering through her body that made her every nerve tremble uncontrollably.

**Acceptance**

As she climbed into the room to get to her makeshift bed, her eyes fell on Ichigo's sleeping form, brow furrowed as if not at rest even in slumber. Walking to his side to check on him, she didn't notice her hand had reacted before she could catch it, the pads of her fingers smoothing the skin between his eyes to relax his face and trace the soft angle of his cheekbone. He responded immediately as if her very touch was magic, his visage coming apart while he fell into a more fitful sleep, her very presence chasing away the invisible nightmares.

But just as quickly as she'd done it, Rukia forcibly snatched her hand back, nursing it to her chest as if she'd overstepped her boundaries. And she had, had known it even when she dug her sword into him with the intention of saving and transforming both of their lives. All the while, Rukia was forced to come to terms with the fact that this uncharted territory between a human and a soul reaper was never meant to exist, not when it was so obviously illicit in Soul Society. With this in mind, she turned around again, body falling into a tiredly resigned hunch while she clambered into the closet and under her comforter. But a tenacious thought flittered through her head as she closed her eyes, saying the one thing she couldn't possibly speak aloud.

_I think I love you… Ichigo._

One day, Rukia would find the courage to walk the steps towards confessing, but for now her quiet admission was enough.

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><p><strong>AN<strong>: By the way, just referencing Kubler-Ross's five stages of grieving. Just in case anyone was wondering where the bolded words came from. I feel like there are other fics with this theme, but this was my take on it.

_Please review and favorite if you enjoyed_. Hopefully that'll help me get out some real IchiRuki because I have a lot of ideas and yet none of them want to come out. :/

Thanks for reading everyone!


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